A while ago, when I was finishing college, I was organizing a trip with a friend. We were going to Playa del Carmen, in the south of Mexico. We had already bought the plane tickets, we had the contact who was going to host us, and we even bought the right clothes.
After chatting one day, we left the dining hall and ran into an old classmate. We proceeded to tell him our plans. This classmate seemed surprised, which made us think we were doing well. Right after we finished talking, I remembered an old phrase I saw on social media: “Things aren’t said, they are done, because when they are done, they speak for themselves.”
I asked my friend who he had told. He replied that he had told his mom, three friends, and an uncle.
To no one’s surprise, he ended up canceling the trip, even though we had already paid for everything. I couldn’t make the trip alone because the numbers didn’t add up for me. Shortly after, we had to restructure our plans and decided that the best thing at that moment wasn’t to go on vacation, but to work. On one hand, it was true; it wasn’t time to have fun. Instead, we had to grow professionally. But on the other hand, I realized this was just a justification for a bigger problem.
That’s when I decided to start reading about the topic.
Why Is It Better to Keep Quiet?
You’ve surely heard the advice a thousand times: “Tell everyone your goals to commit yourself”. It seems logical, right? Putting that social pressure on yourself so you don’t fail.
But, like many things in life, the answer is more complex. In fact, several psychological studies suggest that doing just that can be counterproductive. What if I told you that, in most cases, announcing your goal is the fastest way to ensure you don’t achieve it?
Here, I’ll explain why this phenomenon occurs and what the correct way to “share” a goal is so that it actually helps you achieve it.
1. The Danger of Premature Satisfaction
The phenomenon is known in psychology as “social reality”.
It works like this:
- The Brain’s Deception: When you announce a goal (especially an identity-based one, like “I’m going to be a runner” or “I’m going to learn to code”) and you receive social recognition for it (congratulations, praise, “likes”), your brain gets a dose of satisfaction. It’s almost the same satisfaction it would feel if you had already achieved the goal.
- Premature Satisfaction: This social reward (that dopamine “hit”) tricks your brain. It makes it feel that the work is already, in part, done.
- Less Motivation: As a result, the motivation to do the real, difficult work (going for a run in the cold, studying for hours) decreases. Why? Because you already received the social reward for having the goal, and the effort no longer seems as urgent.
The psychologist Peter Gollwitzer conducted famous studies on this. In one experiment, students who announced their goal of becoming lawyers worked significantly fewer hours than those who kept their goal a secret. Those who announced it felt they were already “closer” to being lawyers, just by having said it.
2. When Sharing Your Goals DOES Help (The Right Way)
However, this doesn’t mean you should be a hermit with your plans. There is a big difference between announcing a goal to receive praise and sharing it to generate accountability.
Sharing your goal will make you more likely to achieve it only if you follow these rules:
- Who you share it with: Don’t announce it publicly. Share it only with one or two people whose opinion you deeply value and respect (like a mentor or a trusted friend). The motivation changes: you are no longer seeking praise, but rather you don’t want to disappoint that person.
- How you share it: Don’t just say “I want to do X.” What works is asking that person to help you follow up. For example: “My goal is to run 3 times a week. Can I send you a message every time I finish to stay on track?”.
- The type of conversation: You want them to ask about your process, not praise your identity.
- Wrong: “You’re so smart for wanting to learn that!” (Praise for the person).
- Good: “How did your study session go today?” (Focus on the process).
In Conclusion: Keep Your Mouth Shut (or Talk to the Right Person)
The next time you have a big goal, resist the temptation to post it on social media to get that instant gratification. As we’ve seen, it’s a trick your brain plays on you.
It’s better to write it down for yourself or, if you need that extra push, share it strategically with someone who won’t applaud you for starting, but who will ask you why you haven’t finished. In the end, just like in code, what matters isn’t the declaration, but the execution.